Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Those who hate, hurt the most

I was home alone for four days last week. My Quay Lo was on a business trip and my mum has gone to help her friend's daughter out. She went there to cook for her confinement and to look after her new born baby. When no one is in the house it will be the best time to make bread for there will be no distraction. Before I started to making my buns, I texted my Quay Lo and told him and this was what he replied me, "Got it Honey, no phone calls and sms:D"

When I was kneading the dough my eyes suddenly welled up with tears.  The thought of my late brother-in-law, Eric came to my mind. Eric was always there for me after his brother, my first late husband passed way 10 years before him. I am not sure why the making of the buns triggered the thought of Eric and the sadness in me. All I knew was I miss him very much. How I wish he is still here so that when my buns were baked, we could eat the buns together with local "kopi-o kow" (strong coffee) and “talk three talk four” (literally means talk about everything in the world) like we used to.  As buddies, we had gone through a lot together, good times and bad. There were times that we got very mad at each other but that had never been serious enough to break up our friendship (we were best of buddies for 27 years till the time he left us).  He may be gone but he will never be forgotten. There is always a special place in my heart for him. 

Have you ever ended any friendship before? Sad to say, I have. There were a few people whom I will never want to be friends with again. I did not like this a bit because I always believe in keeping friends and not loose them.  But then, how can you be friends with people who betrayed you after you have gone all out to help them? Being ungrateful is bad enough but betrayal? I can never get pass that.  I guess I am just human and not a saint. It is very hurtful when someone you regard as close friend betrays you. It was a big blow to me and I felt miserable to the extend of loosing sleep and weight. Fortunately, it did not take me very long to realise that those who hate, hurt the most and it is not worth hurting for people who bite the hand that feeds. I have forgiven them for the sake of my own happiness but I will not want to have anything to do with them. Yes I am a "Chicken", I do not want to give them a chance to hurt me again. LOL!

While writing this post, my buns were in the baking and the wonderful aroma of the buns wafted up my nostrils and makes me hungry.  I am very curious to see the outcome because this is the first time I am using the water roux dough method. The recipe I used for this sausage sweet soft buns is the one Sonia of Nasi Lemak Lover used to make her cranberry cream cheese soft bun.  She adapted the recipe from the Magic Bread cookbook by Alex Goh and I adapted the recipe from her. What I like about this recipe is that there is no bread emulsifier used like the one I used before. Both recipes yielded delicious soft buns and the only difference is the buns from this recipe did not stay soft the next day as compared to the old recipe I used. Those buns stayed soft for the next two days. I guess that the use of emulsifier had to do something with that. Since emulsifier reacts with proteins to make a smooth easy-rising dough and acts on starch to make the buns softer, maybe it is also the reason that the buns stayed softer for a longer period. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Cocktail sausage sweet soft bun
Adapted from Magic Bread Cookbook by Alex Goh
Used by Sonia of Nasi Lemak Lover

Gelatinised dough
100g bread flour
70g hot boiling water

Place flour in a mixing bowl. Add hot boiling water and mix with wooden spoon to form a rough dough. Cover bowl with cling film and leave dough to cool in the fridge for at least 12 hours, and up to 48 hours.

Basic sweet bread dough
300g bread flour
100g plain flour
80g sugar
20g milk powder
1 tbsp instant yeast
½ tsp salt
175g cold water
1 cold grade A egg
60g cold butter, cubed
Other ingredients:
18 cocktail sausages (meat of your choice)
1 tbs sesame seeds
1 egg and 100ml water (for egg wash)

Combine flours, sugar, milk powder, yeast and salt together in a mixing bowl. Tear the gelatinized dough into pieces and add to the bowl along with the egg. Mix on low speed in with stand up electric mixer and add the water into the dough gradually. Mix until dough is well combined and leave the sides of bowl. Add in the cold butter cubes and mix on high speed until dough is smooth. Do the window test and if it does not tear, it is time to shape dough into a ball. Leave dough to proof for 40mins or until double in size. In the meantime, prepare egg wash and sesame seeds to be ready for use. When dough is double in size, punch it down and roll with a rolling pin to get rid of all air bubble. Roll doll up and then divide it into 18 pcs of 50gms per piece. Smooth each piece of dough with you hands in a clockwise circular motion into a small ball until you get 18 small balls of dough. Start from the first smoothed ball and roll the dough out into a thin strip and then use your rolling pin to roll it flat. Place a piece of sausage on the dough and roll it up and seal the end. Paint all the sausage roll with egg wash and sprinkle sesame seeds on top. Bake in the preheated 160C or 320F oven at the lowest rack for 20  minutes.

Note: I find that 50gms of dough maybe a too much to wrap the small cocktail sausage. I suggest that you reduce it to 40gms per ball of dough.


  1. Your buns are so beautiful! Golden brown and irresistible! I can relate - I had to end a friendship with my best friend and also lost her two kids who I watched grow up and absolutely adored. Sending a big *HUG* your way!

  2. I love your buns too. However, I don't think the man in the Thai jewelry store likes MY buns. I even gave him a chance to comment on them. Whatever! lol! love you!

  3. That looks good. I make them a lot too using the water roux method from Angie's food blog. Our loved ones may have left us physically but their memory will live on in our hearts. Cheer up, babe! They will always be remembered as long as we live.

  4. I love this little buns! Where I grew up, buns like these were called pigs in a blanket, but yours are so much more gourmet than those! :)

  5. I find that regardless of what method I used to make buns, a layer of glace or egg wash normally keeps the moisture in for a teeny wee extra time.
    Lovely post. I had a difficult youth and recalling them still hurts, though less. They make me what I am today, the good and the bad, though I wished the bad never happened. That's life, isn't it ?

  6. Your buns are so cuuutteee!! (No disrespect. I'm really talking about the bread).
    Funny you should bring this topic up about friendship. I'd just returned from a weekend secondary school reunion and that brought up a lot of memories and questions about what happened between me and another girl and why I refused to be friends with her on facebook. I guess it's a "if it's not broken, don't fix it" situation. I have forgiven but I really don't want to have anything to do with her and anymore headaches. And I'm happy the way things are and don't want a spoke in the wheels of my life.... just in case. Don't know why I'm rambling here or even if you can understand what I said. But, this was good for me to know that someone else feels the same way I do. I feel better about myself.

  7. what a beautiful heart felt post,, you are such a sweet person,, if you chose to not be friends you must have had very good reasons, and you're very right they must be hurting inside to be mean people.
    Thes elittlebuns are great, my grandson would like these with regular size hot dogs!

  8. Hi Quay Po, What a lovely post. The more I read about you the more I like you and, although it made you sad, I am so glad that Eric's memory lives on within you - and across the world now thanks to you blog! I am sending you a great big hug!

    p.s. You buns looked amazing!

  9. LOL your buns looks fat and cute! On friendship, I have the same thoughts as you. Friends should not betray each other. I'm amused to see some ppl still befriending each other as if nothing happened.

  10. Quay Po, your heartfelt feelings and writing were felt all the way to Oklahoma. Hugs to you. Food holds so many memories.

    Regarding the amount of dough per sausage, I love bread and this did not look like too much (in my opinion.) Delicious!

  11. It is sad when friends betray us ...I will do the same as you....avoid talking to that person. I believe if a person can betray you once, he/she can betray you another time. SO what is the point of keeping the friendship? At our age we can take it. But when it happens to our loved ones and a young one too, it can bring a lot of heartache.

  12. What a lovely post :) Been there ,too :( and I don't lose sleep over those ungrateful sh*t :P ;D Anyway , your buns looks really good and perfectly- baked ;) Will have to check that Alex Goh book :)

  13. This looks so delicious. Would love for you to share this with us over at foodepix.com.

  14. Lovely buns! Makes me wanna get back to my kitchen and try this :-) If they are to stay soft longer, how much emulsifier should be added?

  15. well said on the 3rd paragraph. That's what I felt. Better keep them at an arms lenght. Just hello and goodbye is good enough

  16. Sobssss...such a sad post. It takes all kinds to make the world - find joy in giving, never expect anything in return and you will never be disappointed...but what goes around comes around so spread the love around - you will get it all flooding back to you.

    P.S. Your buns look absolutely perfect... Ummmm...I mean the sausage rolls you made. Muahahahahaha!!!!

  17. Your sausage bun is so cute, short and mini, just so good to finish in may be 2 bites. Hahahah!

  18. I like sausage bun but my kids love sausage more. So, usually I only have the bun w/o sausage :S

    I have lost contact with some friends, does this count as friendship ended? I wanted to resume our friendship but I don't know their whereabouts. Like Uncle Lee quoted, friends come and go like a season. Others are arranged in our lives for good reason - Sharita Gadison

  19. Feel the same about friendship -- no no for betrayal. Once betrayed, it's hard to be "friends" again.

  20. What beautiful looking buns, and I love the little sausages nestled inside!

    I have severe trust issues because of past betrayals, so I totally understand what you mean about cutting your ties from those that hurt you. There are so many selfish people out there and it's tough to weed through them. And then you are blessed with those gems of friends, wonderful people who shine in your life, supporting you, loving you.

    Beautiful post and tribute!

  21. Such a wonderful post! I lost in touch with my best friend from primary school.She migrated to Australia when we're primary 3 or 4....hope to meet her again.

    BTW, your buns looks so cuteeee!!

  22. Hello Quay Po, the more I know abt you, the more I feel that you are one sentimental person, one who is filial to your parent. I have to say that in certain ways,I do share similar characters with you!

    Btw, love your cute little sausage buns. Do you find it easy to make? I've eyed on this & potato buns for a long long time but never have the courage to take action. Another reason is because I get too much of distractions from my 2 children. So who helped you to finished them since you were home alone?

  23. So far I have never ended any friendships with someone. No one betrays me before. It is really hard to have true friends nowadays. Everyone want to be your friend and end up wanted something from you in return! Sigh!

    Your hot dog buns so lovely. I love eating hot dog buns when I was small kid but I grown bored of it as I grow older. hehehe!

  24. Forgiving is so liberating...Its good to move on in life with positivity. I go by the same principle in life...forgive but beware of such people.
    As for the buns, they are looking so perfect that I would not have dared to even touch them!! Lovely post :)

  25. Sorry that making those buns brought back such sad memories for you. Your bro-in-law sounds like a great person.
    As for friends, it's true the person who hates, hurts the most so don't worry about it. You're a good sport to have forgiven them and get on with life.
    Nice buns - my son would love them - he's into sausage buns, like most kids are I guess :)

  26. How good are these buns. They are a perfect size.
    Friendship is a very special relationship with give and take on both sides. The loss of a close friend is especially sad and I often find tears erupting when I remember my best friend. Toxic friends are not friends and you are better off without them. Love your blog.

  27. Sorry for what you've been through.. Well, life sure has its ups and downs...

    Anyway, I love the sausege bun you made.. I bet they taste real good!

  28. I think food evokes strong memories. I'm sorry for you losses...but it is good to think about the wonderful times you shared. Your bread looks so tender and amazing! What a yummy treat! Hope you'll be surrounded by family again soon~ xo

  29. Veron, funny what trigger's our sweet memories. Food often does though. I often get so confused on how selfish and self centered some people can be. I am also loyal to the end. I have a friend at work who says I am the only one she tells things to and it doesn't get back to her.

    Your buns do look good (ha! yes the bread ones) and what a great way to start a meal...or an evening eating and sharing these little gems.

  30. Top article, these are very special and sensitive buns. Respect.


  31. Very nice buns.. I can never make such nice hotdog buns.

    I never try using emulsifier in bread before. Is it the same with Cake emulsifier? Or its another type of emulsifier? Maybe i should try it and compare with my favourite 17 hours night starter method... :)

  32. Nice bun! Truly understand the pain of losing a lovely pal, till now i still weep when i saw his foto. The day when he pass away, we were still happily singing and dancing. An hour later, a policeman called me and i was like are you sure? The policeman told me that i was the last person he talk to after he end his life.

  33. I've never tried to make buns before. I will give this recipe a go. I could relate to what you wrote about friendships. About 18 months ago, someone whom I thought was my bestie, suddenly turned on me and accused me of things that I felt was unjust. I tried to reach out and find out exactly what happened, but she refused my numerous attempts to get in touch. After 10 years of friendship, it really hurt me to let go and move on, but I have.

  34. I love the cute little sausage buns. I know how you feel about friendship. It happens to me last year too. My 3 so called very good friends stabbed me on my back and betrayed me. There goes 30 something years of friendships. It is hard for me to forgive them as it still hurts alot. I hope I will one day. Like you I will not want to have anything to do with them anymore.

  35. It's sweet that your brother-in-law was more like a brother.

  36. I think as I grow a little older, hopefully a little wiser, I chose my friends more wisely too... I am so much more busy now and I feel that time should be spent with the people you love and adore most.

    Taking time to make these buns is worth it Veronica! They look so adorable and bit-e-able! I would love one for breakfast now.

  37. @Reeni
    Hugs back:D

    haha, each time I recall what that Thai guy said about your bun, I laugh out loud… "Ma'am, here is silver, your backside is gold!" Does John think so too? hehehe love you lots!!

    Thanks Reese, I cheered up already:D

    Yes I have heard of that term before but I thought pigs in a blanket are sausage wrapped with cheese only, so this can be called the same too?

    @The Experimental Cook
    My youth are not so easy either and I can appreciate how you feel about it. Life encompass good and bad, ups and downs. I guess that's life, if all is perfect, it will probably be boring too ya? What is important is that we cherish the good and rise above the bad.

    Hahaha, my "bun" is not cute my dear, if you see me in person, you will say otherwise. Of course I understand what you said my dear, we are in the same boat lah.

  38. Cute little buns! I would decrease the dough too, otherwise my boys would tear it off and feed it to the dog!

  39. @laurie
    Thanks again Laurie for your kind words. I am sure our grandson will go for the sausage first before he eats the buns. That was what my son used to do when he was little.

    Hugs back.

    My dear Charmaine, I don't think people who stay friends after they betrayed each other are truly friends anymore. They probably look like that but I am sure they did it with ulterior motives only they will know. Just my 2 cents. hehe

    Oh you are from my Quay Lo's hometown? I am sure going to send your blog link to him. I am sure he will please to read about someone from his "kampung" (hometown in Malay language). I love bread too so this is not too much for me too but for some people they prefer to have more sausage less bread:D

    I am so happy to hear that no one says that I am being too harsh to break the tie completely:D I always thought maybe I don't have a big heart and that's why I only forgive but did not forget.

  40. @anne
    hahaha, you cracked me up. You seem stronger than me. I know it is silly to loose sleep and weight for people who don't care a dang about how you feel.

    Thanks for your appreciation of my photos.

    My old recipe for this soft bun called for 5g emulsifier

    @Small Kucing
    For me, I don't even say hello and goodbye now, it is goodbye forever hehe

    You are right, my mum said, in this world, one type of rice is eaten by numerous type of people. Most of the time, I do not expect anything in return when I give but then I do not expect betrayal either. I love to spread love around but wisely:D I think my Quay Lo agrees with you that my "buns" looks perfect.. wahahaha

    @Sheoh Yan
    Yes, just two bites! hehehe

    I know, my son like the sausage more than the bun when he was little. He will charged at the sausage first and then the bun. When you lost contact with friends, I do not count that as friendship ended. Nowadays with technology, there is every chance you will get in touch with them again. I lost touch with my kindergarden best friend for almost 20 years and we found each other through the net and now we are in touch.

  41. @Baby Sumo
    Yes, trust is hard to redeem.

    Thanks. I feel blessed to have so many wonderful family members and friends who love me.

    I am sure you will see your best friend someday. You never know, my kindergarden best friend and I just met a few years back after loosing touch for amost 20 years.

    Yes, the bun is quite easy to make but you are right it will be hard to do bread when there are too much distraction and that's why when I did that when no one is home:D When the buns were freshly baked, I eat 2 straight away!! hahaha, I can never resist freshly baked buns. I shared those buns with my neighbors and I gave 2 each to the security guards. I had another two the next morning. It was not hard to get rid of them hehe..

    You are very lucky. Looks like you have true friends around you. I am on the contrary, I can never be bored of eating bread.

    This is very easy to make. Once you try making your own buns, you will crave making them now and then. It is quite fun actually.

  42. @Kiddothings
    Yes, in life, I guess we have to keep moving on:D I wish you are staying nearby and I can send a box of sausage buns to your kids.

    Thanks for enjoying your time here and hope to share more recipes with you. You are absolutely right. We don't need disguised friends.

    The buns taste very good. Like I say, the only complain is, they do not stay soft the next day.

    Yes, food does evoke lots of memories but I think as I grow older, those memories seem more important to me than when I was younger.

    I think when someone confide in us means that they trust us not to divulge information freely. I can understand why your office mate tell things to you and not others. These sausage buns are a nice snacks:D


    Thanks:D Just like how I feel about all your photos and your ballroom dancing skill.

    I was wondering the same thing as you about the emulsifier. I will find out and let you know. Would you share your 17 hrs night starter method with us?

  43. @muimui
    OMG, that is terrible to loose a friend that way. It is relays sad.

    If you have reached out and try to mend things, you have done your best as a friend. If your friend does not want to have anything to do with you, you have to let it go and move on. I know it hurts but guess the only way to stop hurting is to let go.

    I don't blame you. You are doing the right thing to not let them hurt you again.

    @That Girl
    Yes he is. I love him very much.

    You are right, we get wiser as we grow older about choosing friends because truly, we don't know how much time we have left.

    hehehe, your dog will be very happy then.

  44. The buns look absolutely lovely!

    And it's really nice to have such a close relationship with an in-law. Most ppl settle with a "can tolerate" status.

  45. it's strange how doing certain things can evoke memories huh?

    i'm like you as well - i end friendships, longstanding ones even, because i was hurt, and hurt again. can't say i've not given them a chance so well. anyway, life is better without them ;p

  46. Veron, beautiful buns you made! Is it my eyes for it looks cute and petite!

    As for friendship, I too gave up a 23 years of friendship not too long ago. It hurts but I think going forward will be better for my heart. Can't afford to have it stabbed and stabbed so many times especially when you treated her way better than your own sister.

    I guess this is life. YOu win some and you lose some.

    Cherish those fond memories of Eric. Take care. Hugs

  47. Your buns look so cute and makes me hungry in the middle of the night - 2.30am! never tried making soft bun before, will bookmark this down to try one day..
    somedays i have one of those moments too, when suddenly i cry for no reason, thinking of my papa & missing him.. well we are just human :)

  48. These buns are very perfectly made! I'm admiring the beautiful swirl inside the bread.

  49. I am so sorry for your losses, but you are right about them not being worth it! Your buns are wonderful :)

  50. @Shannon
    I can totally understand why you cry and there is a reason. It is because you miss those you love my dear.

    Thanks Zoe:D

    @Magic of Spice
    I am sorry too and I am glad you agree with me:D Thanks for the compliment on the buns.

  51. i have not broken any friendship before but i try to stay away from those ingenuine faces and characters..

  52. @lena
    That is a very wise thing to do.


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