Those who hate, hurt the most

I was home alone for four days last week. My Quay Lo was on a business trip and my mum has gone to help her friend's daughter out. She went there to cook for her confinement and to look after her new born baby. When no one is in the house it will be the best time to make bread for there will be no distraction. Before I started to making my buns, I texted my Quay Lo and told him and this was what he replied me, "Got it Honey, no phone calls and sms:D"


When I was kneading the dough my eyes suddenly welled up with tears.  The thought of my late brother-in-law, Eric came to my mind. Eric was always there for me after his brother, my first late husband passed way 10 years before him. I am not sure why the making of the buns triggered the thought of Eric and the sadness in me. All I knew was I miss him very much. How I wish he is still here so that when my buns were baked, we could eat the buns together with local "kopi-o kow" (strong coffee) and “talk three talk four” (literally means talk about everything in the world) like we used to.  As buddies, we had gone through a lot together, good times and bad. There were times that we got very mad at each other but that had never been serious enough to break up our friendship (we were best of buddies for 27 years till the time he left us).  He may be gone but he will never be forgotten. There is always a special place in my heart for him. 

Have you ever ended any friendship before? Sad to say, I have. There were a few people whom I will never want to be friends with again. I did not like this a bit because I always believe in keeping friends and not loose them.  But then, how can you be friends with people who betrayed you after you have gone all out to help them? Being ungrateful is bad enough but betrayal? I can never get pass that.  I guess I am just human and not a saint. It is very hurtful when someone you regard as close friend betrays you. It was a big blow to me and I felt miserable to the extend of loosing sleep and weight. Fortunately, it did not take me very long to realise that those who hate, hurt the most and it is not worth hurting for people who bite the hand that feeds. I have forgiven them for the sake of my own happiness but I will not want to have anything to do with them. Yes I am a "Chicken", I do not want to give them a chance to hurt me again. LOL!

While writing this post, my buns were in the baking and the wonderful aroma of the buns wafted up my nostrils and makes me hungry.  I am very curious to see the outcome because this is the first time I am using the water roux dough method. The recipe I used for this sausage sweet soft buns is the one Sonia of Nasi Lemak Lover used to make her cranberry cream cheese soft bun.  She adapted the recipe from the Magic Bread cookbook by Alex Goh and I adapted the recipe from her. What I like about this recipe is that there is no bread emulsifier used like the one I used before. Both recipes yielded delicious soft buns and the only difference is the buns from this recipe did not stay soft the next day as compared to the old recipe I used. Those buns stayed soft for the next two days. I guess that the use of emulsifier had to do something with that. Since emulsifier reacts with proteins to make a smooth easy-rising dough and acts on starch to make the buns softer, maybe it is also the reason that the buns stayed softer for a longer period. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Cocktail sausage sweet soft bun

Adapted from Magic Bread Cookbook by Alex Goh

Used by Sonia of Nasi Lemak Lover

Gelatinised dough

Ingredient:

100g bread flour

70g hot boiling water

Method:

Place flour in a mixing bowl. Add hot boiling water and mix with wooden spoon to form a rough dough. Cover bowl with cling film and leave dough to cool in the fridge for at least 12 hours, and up to 48 hours.

Basic sweet bread dough

Ingredients:

300g bread flour

100g plain flour

80g sugar

20g milk powder

1 tbsp instant yeast

½ tsp salt

175g cold water

1 cold grade A egg

60g cold butter, cubed

Other ingredients:

18 cocktail sausages (meat of your choice)

1 tbs sesame seeds

1 egg and 100ml water (for egg wash)

Method:

Combine flours, sugar, milk powder, yeast and salt together in a mixing bowl. Tear the gelatinized dough into pieces and add to the bowl along with the egg. Mix on low speed in with stand up electric mixer and add the water into the dough gradually. Mix until dough is well combined and leave the sides of bowl. Add in the cold butter cubes and mix on high speed until dough is smooth. Do the window test and if it does not tear, it is time to shape dough into a ball. Leave dough to proof for 40mins or until double in size. In the meantime, prepare egg wash and sesame seeds to be ready for use. When dough is double in size, punch it down and roll with a rolling pin to get rid of all air bubble. Roll doll up and then divide it into 18 pcs of 50gms per piece. Smooth each piece of dough with you hands in a clockwise circular motion into a small ball until you get 18 small balls of dough. Start from the first smoothed ball and roll the dough out into a thin strip and then use your rolling pin to roll it flat. Place a piece of sausage on the dough and roll it up and seal the end. Paint all the sausage roll with egg wash and sprinkle sesame seeds on top. Bake in the preheated 160C or 320F oven at the lowest rack for 20  minutes.


Note: I find that 50gms of dough maybe a too much to wrap the small cocktail sausage. I suggest that you reduce it to 40gms per ball of dough.

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