Sunday, September 4, 2011

My son loves her so I would too

There are many stories about how mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law could not get along. I have seen the scene below in real life when I was 12 years old. Just a few steps away from our home, the two ladies quarreled all the time. They literally fought. I heard them using the most terrible words to swear at each other. I even saw them punch each other and in the end the one that got the punched the most was the man (the son/husband)! Poor guy!! What a life.

I had no experience being a daughter-in-law since both my mothers-in-law had passed away when I got married with both my husbands, nor do I know what it is like to be a mother-in-law since my son is not married. However, I know I will never want to be a monster-in-law. LOL!  I would wish to be a mother-in-law who will be missed when I am gone.

Mothers are by nature very protective of their children so we may often make the mistake of being too interfering and sometimes we are not even aware of it. That starts early in our kids lives and just never seems to go away in some folks.

Yes, I can be guilty of that too but fortunately, I have my Quay Lo to put me back on track. I would always want a good relationship with my son's girlfriend or his wife.  I guess the key to that is “Respect” for each other.

I have read an article long time ago about some tips on how to get along well with your daughter-in-law. Let me share with you those points that I could remember:

1)  If you have advice for your daughter-in-law , say it directly to her in a caring, and uncritical way. Be sure not to say it through your son. If you choose to speak up, mince your words before you open your mouth, if you can't do that, then just mind your own business and keep quiet. Never ever broach this subject as a reaction to something you have seen. Wait for a calm moment, with just you and her, and choose helpful words.
2) Do not drop in their home unannounced. Always check first and visit at a time that is convenient for them. 

    If they say they are not free to see you do not get upset. Be flexible, there is always another time.

3) Do not compete with your daughter-in-law to get “alone time” with your grand children. Let her decide what is the most convenient time you can be with them. She is their mother not you.

4) If you want to provide input on important decisions or issues affecting your grandchildren, discuss with both your son and your daughter-in-law about your concern and be proactive instead of complaining or nagging. However, be sure to listen to your daughter-in-law’s ideas first before offering your own. Then, you can express your own as opinions, never as demands.

Any mothers-in-law out there?  What do you think about the above tips? Do you say, "Ya, that will help." or "CRAP! I am the mother-in-law, she has to listen to me".

If there is daugther-in-law reading this post, what kind of mother-in-law do you wish to have?
You might be wondering why this crazy Quay Po suddenly talk about this subject right?  Well, actually what triggered the above thought was these wonderful tambun biscuits from Melaka. I was sitting in the kitchen alone this morning eating a piece and sipping my tea and the thoughts just came to me. Probably because the box of biscuits was given to me by my son’s girlfriend. She is a sweetheart.

For my Malaysian friends and readers, I highly recommend you to get a box of these biscuits if you happen to be in Melaka. They are by far the best tambun biscuits I have ever tasted. They are very flaky outside and the lotus paste filling was not so sweet like those with "tau sar" filling that I have tried before. I love it!

I am sorry, I don’t have a recipe to share today. I promise my next post will not be out of context and it will be all about food together with a recipe. Till my next post, enjoy your weekend. HUGS to all the in-laws! 


  1. What smart you are Quay Po, interesting post!! LOL gloria

  2. I think it's very good advices especially the number 1 advice. Sometimes it's not the mother-in-law who is interfering but the aunt-in-law.

    As for number 3, I think we can also add in matters of "discipline" the kids. What is the use is one say can and the other say cannot.

    It's very thoughtful of your son's gf to bring a gift to you like that. SHows that she respected you too

  3. I am sure you will make a wonderful mother-in-law, you are so family orientated it will be no problem for you. Take care Diane

  4. Quay Po,
    i'm so sure u will be very good mother-in-law...ur tips of how to get along with ur daughter-in-law really touched me. To me, those tips are very true. I think 'respect each other' is still a homework to most of the asian as we have been taught to respect the elderly rather than respect each other.

  5. what a wonderful post.I do not have a daughterinlaw as of yet,, but I'm a daughterinlaw, and all of the advice is good, I wish I had it befrore.My husbands mum is good to me but she has four daughters and two daughters inlaw, of which I'm one.She treats us like company still after 3o some years,, I still do not feel like family,, if i have a daughter inlaw I will make sure she feels like family.My motherinlaw never forgets my husbandbirthday but never once in iour 36 years has she even wished me happy birthday,, nope, not once.I always bake for her and bring her meals and have painted many pictures for her and I willnever stop doing this because she is my husband mum,, I have respect for their relationship,, my oarents are gone and i have no other family except my own kids.I would love to have sisters but they are a cool family to outsiders.Sorry for the long post,, this touched a nerve,, lol

  6. Love your sence of humor.Would not mind you as my mother in law:)
    In thsi contest remembered when my mom visits my brother ,how she is observing things ,like too much dust above the wardrobe and similar.My brother use to say: Lucky you are not my mother in law;)

  7. Hi Quay Po, there are a lot of real nice mothers in law, as well those that fly around on brooms.
    Often if the son is an only child, and being doted by mother since a baby, thats it.....she may or most probably expect her DIL to care for her son like how she was.

    But works both ways, either one might be the cause of fireworks.
    However, I'm sure you'll be a great MIL.....not to mention a great cook too.
    Have a nice day.

  8. You are one smart, loving mother :)


  9. I absolutely agreed on the second point on "Do not drop in their home unannounced". My mil always do that & I gets very irritated by her actions!

  10. Thanks for the info posted, it doesn't work for me as I had a horrible, terrible, unreasonable, demanding MIL. * rolling eyes* Even thou I don't stay with her now but my poor SIL whom is staying with her is suffering. Recently we brought her to see a DR and she go round telling people and all her daughters that we wanted to murder her. Haiz... we and the maid took care of my stroke FIL for a year yet she was not happy, she ask us to sent him away don't let him die in the house. When my FIL die last year she eventually regret what she did and goes into depression. Now to look after her is another pain in the neck and as her daughters does not want to take her and neither she want to leave the house.

  11. My mother and my sister in law got on very well. I always envy my SIL as my mom loves her so dearly. Sometime I think she treats my SIL better than her own. hahaha... my parents love my hubby just like a son as well. I think if you welcome that person into your life wholeheartedly, things will work out much better.
    I wish my IL will do impromptu visits or a concern call but that is only a dream. Thru the years, I have learnt to be independent and have zero expection and now I am happier.
    Perhaps it is all about chemistry?

  12. I am a daughter-in-law myself and I can say that you are a wonderful mother-in-law to your daughter-in-law. The tips were great and I loved reading them. The buiscuits look great!!

  13. How I wish my MIL will be more direct. Always telling my hubby things she'd like me to know.
    I'm not that scary that she can't tell it to me straight.

  14. This is a great post, Quay Po. I agree with you that respect is key in the relationship. All the tips you shared are very good and wise too, thanks. When I'm a mother-in-law, I'll also remind myself that wisdom and maturity comes with age and not to get offended by the 'young people' who may say or do the wrong things unintentionally. And I will also not be those type that speak with hidden messages! :)

  15. Yes, great tips, must memorize them for when the need arises lol! Somehow, I have this feeling, I am going to need all the tips out there!:P

  16. This is a very lovely post, Madam Quay Po! It is such an eye-opener. I am not a mother-in-law yet (a bit too young for that lol) nor am I a daughter-in-law as well (I should be, with my age lol), but if I had a mother-in-law who was like this, I would totally love her like she was my own mother. From my past relationships, I was deathly scared of meeting my bf's mothers the first time, because I want to win their approval. To my amazement, I got along with the mothers-in-doubt really well, to the point that they actually treat me like a part of their family. It's just too bad the relationships didn't work tho.

    And even though you and I don't know each other that well yet, from the looks of things, you are going to be a great mother-in-law.


    A Single Girl's Musings

  17. Interesting article, Veronica. I guess at the end of the day, it has everything to do with respect and tolerance. I have learnt that no matter who you are dealing with, always focus on the issue and not on the person - that has helped me get through quite a number of tricky situations.

  18. Good advice Veronica. To get along, we should respect and accept each other. Easier said than done eh! My PILs were difficult when our first child was born, they wanted to control our lives and have a say in everything to do with Ashleigh, even to the point of insisting they have the right to name her. Boy, there were some fiery moments. Over time, we've worked it out and get along now. We have too, we live next to each other.

  19. Great tips. Quite confident you not gonna be a monster-in-law or a murder-in-law. With your cultivation of 'respect' is good enough plus the 4 points would make you a great MIL. 100% agree with you the one who suffers most when there is a 'war' will be the son/husband.

    Got a bro-in-law who is the only son was asked by his mom in front of his wife "you love me more or your wife"?. That question certainly put him on the spot. He refused to say word.

  20. With everything you wrote I can tell you will be a great mother in law; happy to say I have a good relationsnip with my 3 daughters(in law) Might be fourth in the near future and she is alos a doll.

  21. I have no doubts you'll be a great mother inlaw, my dear. I don't know you personally but from the way you write about yourself and your family .. I gathered from it all that you're a very understanding and forgiving lady. I have a super mum inlaw and I love her to bits. Everything you've listed above is all she is and does. And the fact that you've even thought about this issue ... whoever your daughter in law will be, she's gonna love you to bits too.

  22. Great tips. My late mother- in- law was a gem. She never interfered though she stayed on and off with us.Thus there were no ugly scenes and she was very considerate. She loved us both:))

  23. I agree. I'm a daughter in law and am very blessed to have a fantastic mother in law. When we are in the same country, we can chat, go for walks..etc. I guess from me, I see her as my mother too and I am very grateful that she made that effort to get to know me better as well. I tell hubby that I'm so lucky to have great in laws.

  24. Very interesting points, and tips you provided, Veronica!
    I am certainly a mother-in-law on both sides, for my son, wife, and my daughter's husband.
    I do not interfere in anyone's life, or claim to be the expert on how they raise the little grandchildren. This is their generation, and I stay out of their personal business.
    Good thing that I get along well with my daught-in-law...otherwise I would never be able to see my son, or my grandchildren, as I know that is happening to some people that I know!
    It is so true...never drop in uninvited, unless it's your daughter, but not at your daughter-in-law's! Lucky for me that everyone gets along well, but (it wasn't always like that.)
    If there's a problem, it should be talked about, face-to-face...otherwise there will be a resentment on each side. No one like to be talke behind their back.
    Once your children are married, the most important thing is, never to "meddle" in their affairs!
    Love,respect, and patience is the "key" to a happy family life!

    BTW-I wish we could get these yummy light and crispy biscuit cookies here, in are area:DDD
    Hugs, to are a wise friend!

  25. I am male and single, so have no story to share about any kind of in-laws. ;)

    Yet, I wish that more mothers would sit down and think about all those things in advance like you did. Very thoughtful and shows a lot of character. :)


  26. Hi, thanks for popping by my blog, I wish I could cook like you!!! I have 2 sons and will one day be a monster-in-law too I hope. I'm sure you will do a great job.

  27. Will remember your delicious recommendation if I'm traveling to Melaka.

  28. I loved your post today. When your son marries his wife will be a fortunate woman. I hope you have a great day. Blessings...Mary

  29. Hi.There are awards for you onmy blog..well deserved;)

  30. Great article! And you have a great blog! Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving such lovely comments! :) BTW, i like that other biscuit/cookie at the background. I don't know what it is called..the round ones shown on the box. LOL!

  31. LOL, I don't get along well with my MIL too... well, simply because she likes to lecture me on how to up bringing my kids. She too, likes to spoil the kids despite we against it.

    If I ever be a MIL one day, I'll nvr want to stay with my DIL(jst to giv thm more spaces and right of their own).

  32. Btw, u are such a great photographer! Your pictures are beautiful!^^

  33. I think you will be the best MIL ever! It's so nice to meet you...
    Thanks for dropping by my blog...

  34. Thanks for the great tips. I don't get along well with my mother in law. We never argue, merely different thoughts we have.

    My hubb is forever her baby, regardless his age. I don't blame her for being over protective. Maybe one day I might turn out to be worse than her, lol!

    Just keep in mind right now, that I'll give my kids their space and privacy when they start their own family.

  35. Thank you for stopping by my blog.

    The tambun biscuits look delicious. I wish I had a box of those now. :)

  36. "If you have advice for your daughter-in-law , say it directly to her in a caring, and uncritical way." But some women are ultra-sensitive...and no matter how something is said, they'll run home crying to their own mothers.

    I believe it is all a matter of giving and taking on BOTH in the case between husbands and wives. Once married, one cannot expect to have everything one's way. If that is the attitude, then it is best to remain single and one can do anything and everything in whichever way one chooses.

  37. Love it, Veron! I'll KIV this list for now. Will definitely need it very soon. LOL!

    OMG, I've just received these tau sah pia from my friend couple of weeks ago & they tasted really great!

  38. I am sure you will be a great MIL as you are a fun, open-minded & loving person ^_^

  39. hi quay po. that's quite a motherly sweet mom in law way of addressing daughter-in-law.
    you are well prepared :) best of luck when the time comes

  40. What a wise woman you are. Lovely post. Thanks for stopping by for a visit I very much appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment.
    ~ ~Ahrisha~~

  41. Oh, those biscuits look so flaky...yum! I think that was all great advice. I am a daughter-in-law, but my mil lives in a whole 'nother country, so unfortunately I don't have much first-hand experience with it all. I think respecting each other for the "role" you fall into is the only way to go. You are family after all! Shouldn't be a battleground...that only hurts everybody! =) Sounds like you will make a wonderful mil!

  42. love these tips! it should be a print out and given to every mother the day of her son's wedding!

  43. hi quay po, before i start talking abt the mother/daughter in law, let me just write down the shop's name first..poh keong..i see if i can get them in ipoh. you got a very interesting topic to discuss. It's really no suprise that i hardly come across stories abt a mother in law getting along very good with a daughter in law..or is it my circle of friends are so limited..2 ladies, 2 from the same family, 2 bearing the same mrs title, 2 love the same person..the son/husband and yet so much conflict..very susah!! i really dislike the idea of a woman asking her husband," do you love me or your mother more? " i know some mil can be very fussy and grumpy to the extent she can do that the whole day. If you ask me, i would probably say let her be...i probably say turn on a deaf ear..yes, turn on a deaf ear! It takes 2 to quarrel. as for your point no 1, i think better shut up unless the dil asks for your advice first. if not, zip your mouth! But one thing, if she comes to have dinner with you in the house, let her do the dishes. you dont try to be so nice, err dont think you can get extra points for a good future mil, just let her do it...ha! soudns okay to you or not??

  44. Comment from Loretta of Apples & Rubies which I accidently deleted, my apology:

    Quay Po- Beautiful post! I am a daughter-in-law and appreciate your words. My mother-in-law "I" is a dear, much more formal than me, but we seem to get along quite well!

    My advice for daugher-in-laws is to make the grandkids pick up the phone once in a while with a surprise call. it's so nice as my in-laws are three hours away.


  45. He he, good advise for being a Father In Law? My turn will come in a few more year, maybe, ....LOL!

  46. I like your statement. I get along well with my MIL but not sure it will work when staying together which i don't think so. :oP

  47. @ Shirley (Blackswan)
    I think you do my dear hehe.. How nice of your friend to send you the tau sar piah.

    You are so sweet to say that. thanks.

    I guess as long as I keep reminding myself to do the right thing, there should not be a problem.

    You are so kind to say that. Thanks.

    @Small Kucing
    Yes, I agree with you, sometimes the aunts-in-law just don't know how to mind their own business hehe.. As regards to the kids, there should be two sets of rules. Oh yes, my son's gf is truly a sweetheart. I hope he treats her well.

    @Yee Er
    You are spot on.

    I am sorry your MIL is not as warm as you wish her to be. You are doing the right thing to show your love for her. That shows that you love your husband a lot in order to be able to continue to love his mum even when she does not show her appreciation.

    haha I love what you brother told your mum

    @Uncle Lee
    Yes, it takes two hands to clap.

    Oh please don't show my post to your MIL, especially not to let her see the door mat ! the print will drive her up the wall.

    So sorry you have a difficult MIL. I appreciate your frustration when someone is being unreasonable and demanding. Can her behavior due to her suffering from dementia?

    You mum is very wise and knows what is right. She loves those her love ones love and this will make life happy for everybody.

    Thanks for thinking that I will be a wonderful MIL. I would to hear that from my DIL when I become one in the future:D

    For some folks, it is hard to be direct. I think your hubby should try to tell his mum to speak to you directly instead of through him.

    I am glad you find those tips helpful. I think you are right, we need to constantly remind ourselves what is the right thing to do.

    I guess we all learn through our mistakes or through good advice.

  48. @Wi
    My dear, you do need to be scared of meeting your bf's mother. Just be yourself, better let her accept you as you are. I am sorry your past relationships did not work out. You are so young, there is no hurry. Most important choose a man that know how to love and treat his woman.

    @Shirley @ Kokken69
    I agree with you. With your wisdom and experience, you will have no problem getting along with people.

    I am glad to hear that you have work out with your PIL and get along well now. Life will be much happier that way especially for your hubby. There is pros and cons living very near to PIL. I hope yours are more pros than cons.

    So nice of you to say that I will not be a monster-in-law. I am sorry to say that your brother-in-law's mum is asking the most ridiculous question. Of course he will not answer such a silly question.

    Kudos to you for having a good relationship with all your DIL. You should share some tips with us.

    You are so blessed to have a wonderful MIL and she is blessed to have you too. I would love to be like your MIL, and I would love to love my DIL to bits and she to me.

    You are very blessed and I am sure you miss you MIL a lot.

    It is a blessings PIL who treats us as their own children. It is like having another set of parents to love us.

    I believe you are a great MIL. You have so much wisdom.

    Thanks for your kind words.

    You don't want to be a monster-in-law…. hehe.. must be typo error right?

    Yes, don't miss those biscuits when you are there.

    So kind of you to say that.

    thanks for thinking of me for the awards, I will go claim it later. I really appreciate it.

    The biscuits is called "Tau Sar Piah"

    I am with you, I think it is better not stay together. In fact I told my son that I will always prefer to stay on my own. Thanks so much for the compliment on my pictures. I am still learning about photography. Plenty of room for improvement.

    Nice to meet you too:D I will try my be to be a good MIL.

    It is natural mother instinct to protect her children and children in all mothers' eyes their children will never grow up. It is really important to give our kids and their family their space and privacy and if you keep that in mind and practise it, they will love you more.

    I wish I have the recipe so that I can share with you.

    You are right, some people are very sensitive and hears everything as criticism. In that case, we should just back off and mind our own business hehe.. Oh I definitely agree without if one is not willing to compromise, one should stay single.

    I am glad you think so. Thanks

    I hope to think that I am well prepared. Thanks

    You are welcome. I enjoyed myself at your space. Thanks for dropping by. Hope to visit with you more often.

    That true, family will always forgive and forget. If only this is put to practice there will be no problem getting along.

    hahaha.. you are so cute to say that. The problem is if we print and give out to all the MIL on their sons' wedding, then the DIL and them will start at the wrong footing. It is like no problem cause problems. LOL!

    I do not disagree with what you say. I guess everybody must find their own way to deal with a difficult MIL or DIL to keep peace in the family when a good relationship cannot be achieved no matter what.

    It is so silly of a woman to ask her husband if he loves her or her mother more. She is trying to compare an apple with an orange.

    It is okay with me if anyone want to wash dishes for me, not just my son's gf…hehe.

  49. @Loretta
    I am so happy for you. You are right a surprise call from the grandkids will make any grand parents happy. You are very thoughtful to think of asking your kids to do that.

    I believe it is the same advice especially advice No.2 …LOL!

    The best is not to stay together. Relationship usually are better. Familiarity breeds contempt.

  50. What a wonderful Mother In Law you will be. The fact that you care, is a biggie.

    So many Mothers think the son will choose them over the GIRL.... Wrong!!

    I have a wonderful Mother in Law, but it is a 2 way street. I treat her with respect and vise versa.

  51. Thank you for looking at my blog.
    I love this post. I had a great mother in law, but she past away 4 years ago. I still miss her.

  52. @Candida
    Thanks for your kind words. I will never want to be the cause of unhappiness for my son and his family. I want to be a posiitive role in their life, one that enhance their happiness not reap them of it.

    @Words of Deliciousness
    Thank you for creating your space where I enjoyed myself. I am so happy to hear that you love your MIL and still miss her. That is the kind of relationship every MIL and DIL should try to achieve. Even if they can't they should find ways to keep peace and not fight like cats and dogs for the man they both love.

  53. One day i will be someone's father in law but i think i would be rather a good one,,,I will treat like my own child.......treat them like and adult,just like how i want to be treated ,,,

    hey thank you and god bless

  54. Huhuhu, my MIL used to be very demanding. Thank god we were not staying together. She will always wanna teach me how to do this and that her way and if I were to tell her how tired and stressful I am, she will say " You Ask For It ". Huhuhu.

    Now that she's getting older and I can see that she has become more tolerant and friendly. :))

    Blessing.. Blessing..

  55. Thanks for dropping by my blog (

    Indeed when there is a will, there's a way. (ie:.. thinking out of the box to solve domestic issues..ahhaha)

    Anyway i have did read a few of your blog posts and there were interesting. Definitely I will come back and read regularly. =)

    have a nice working tuesday.

  56. @Small Kuching
    Sorry what I mean is there should NOT be two sets of rules at home to raise our kids.

  57. Hi Quay, Thanks so much for dropping by and leaving a kind comment. It's always nice to meet a new blogfriend. Good advice from your posting of having a positive relationship with your daughter-in-law. I wish I had one. None of the kids are married yet . . still hoping. Blessings, Sandy:O)

  58. Hi, first time here, thanks for dropping by my humble blog. :)

    Interesting post. I should be glad that i don't have mother in law problem, count my blessing. Sometime she do nag and i don't agree with her thinking but so far we two getting along well, no big fight nor big quarell. She is a nice and patient lady, i think she is too nice till get bully by the daughter in laws? hahahhahahha

    Already add you in my blogroll and will drop by here more often. :)

  59. Quay Po, my MIL has been like this since day one 27 years ago, we are being treated like daughter out law. Those day she will took a cab to our house without warning just to check whether her son or me got buy any new things or furniture.*faint* Recently she is suffering from depression & dementia but the 2 DOL & 2 sons of her own are being accuse the murderer for bringing her to treatment. My DH said let her sisters deal with her but... they are giving all sort of excuse to avoid their own mother. Haiz...I better bake more cake and bread before I get depression, LOL.
    Sorry for the long post, just need a little space to pour out my frustration.

  60. I'm blessed to have a good and understanding MIL. She does not nag like an old lady but merely respect our decisions. She is simple and patience. I hope I will have her trait when I'm a MIL myself one of the day. U too, will definitely be a good MIL yourself.

    Melaka! I will try to look out for that biscuits if happen to be in Melaka. Look so flaky....

  61. It's ok without the recipes. Enjoyed your post nevertheless. It's good advice. Need to remind myself not to become a monster in-law too. Thankfully, I don't have problems with my MIL. Maybe because she doesn't live with me? I never knew Melaka is selling Tambun biscuits also even though I'm from Melaka. haha. Thought it's originally from Penang.

  62. I struggle with my mil, just feel criticised and uncomfortable.

  63. I had a wonderful MIL ... though I only managed to spend a VERY short time with her before she passed away.

    I remember when we were there visiting her(she was living in a nursing home in KL and we live in Canada)she would ask us why are we "wasting" our vacation time there, instead of having fun, shopping and eating!

    But without fail my hubby and I would go there in the morning with her Kopi-O and breakfast. My hubby would be chatting with her and I would be rubbing her dry cracked feet with lotion.

    We knew she enjoyed our visit but don't want to be a burden.

    She once said, "The best way to ensure her son happiness is to have a happy DIL"

  64. @eugene
    I am sure you will be a FIL who will be loved dearly. Who wouldn't love a FIL who love them like their own children and treat them like and adult?

    @Belly Good Cookin
    Not staying together help reduce friction. Your MIL is not an exception and it is true that people mellow down when they grow older.

    You are most welcome. I enjoyed my time at your blog and glad you enjoy yours here. Every family will have their own sets of problem in regards to getting along well with each other. You are right, there is a will, there is a way to solve them.

    You are welcome. Thanks for your visit. Nice to get to know you too. Hope you will be a mother-in-law soon:D

    @Sekamar Rindu
    Thanks for your visit and appreciate your comment.

    @Annie Q
    You are welcome. You are smart to agree to disagree and still get along fine. Thanks for adding me to your blog roll. Appreciate it.

  65. Great tips! Some parents (not just mothers-in-laws) should also take note... ;-P

    My boyfriend's mother whom I've known since '98 is very ok and doesn't interfere with our lives. Thankfully. Contrararily to my parents who are highly toxic and whom I've had to cut off from my life... :-$



  66. @Amelia
    It is good that you pour out your frustration. It usually feels better when we do that. I can see why your family members are avoiding her because she doesn't make it easy for them to love and care for her. I feel sorry for her and hope she will realize one day that her behavior will only hurt herself the most.

    You are very blessed. Don't hope you have her traits, learn from her and be a wonderful MIL in future. Very kind of you to say that I will be a good MIL.

    Thanks. I am glad you enjoy reading my posts. The fact that you can get along with you MIL shows that you have people relationship skill and yes, not staying together will eliminate lots of conflicts. Me too, I did not know that Melaka have such a delicious tambun biscuits. I used to think the best comes from Penang too.

    I am sorry to hear that you feel that way and I am sure this bothers you. Well try not to let what she says affect you. Listen to what is right and let what is wrong roll off the duck's back. Another way is not to meet up with if it is not necessary. Just my two sens hehe

    @Tigger mum
    Exactly! Your MIL is a wise lady and one that understands completely how to show her love. A happy DIL means she got a happy son:D She knew that if she had a bone to pick with you means causing unhappiness to her son, your hubby. You hubby is a very lucky man having two women who place his happiness as priority.

  67. @Rosa
    I am sorry you have to cut off your parents from your life. Sometimes, when they cause you too much misery, you are left with no choice but to take drastic action. Most PIL and parents err big time when they become interfering. No one likes others to run their life. I am very blessed to have a totally non interfering mum. She stays with me but she never take sides when me and my Quay Lo argues. She just go off to her room, shut her ears and let us iron out our problems. She doesn't even ask for details after that. That's why both my first late husband and my Quay Lo love her to bits.

  68. I totally agree...if they love the other person, then I will, too! I am a mother in law and my daughter in law had my first grand child almost six months ago. She has seen that I am caring and kind and loving to the baby and how much I do to help around the house. She sends pictures of the baby to me on my phone. Why wouldn't you want to be a wonderful mother in law to the person that your child chooses to share their life with?

  69. @Whosyegurl
    Thanks for dropping by. Nice to meet a wonderful MIL!! You are absolutely right! Your DIL is blessed to have you in her life.

  70. FABulous post!

    Thank you for finding my Hawaii blog so I could come to YOUr excellent blog.

    Aloha from Waikiki;

    Comfort Spiral

    > < } } ( ° >


  71. I don't get along with my mother in law, but it's not my fault. Side just doesn't like me. She told my husband I'm not tall, skinny, or blonde enough.

  72. I like how you put it...that you don't want to be a monster-in-law! Neither do I. LOL! Those Tambun bicuits look so GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

  73. I think that you will make one wonderful, cool and protective mother in law..not monster at all, you are way to cool for that!:))
    And this was very interesting post, full of tips..I am not even close to be MIL but I hope I'll pass the test one day:))
    by the way that last photo is YUMMY!

  74. @Cloudia
    I am glad I found you for I enjoyed being at your space and your a lot of yummy recipes there. Thanks for dropping by to say Hi. Hope we will visit each other often. It always nice to meet new friends.

    @That Girl
    Your MIL say that to your hubby? How insensitive!!

    hehe…I adopted that term from a movie, did you see that movie? If not, you should, it is very entertaining.

    Thanks for your kind words. I would love to be a COOL MIL. When the time comes, I hope I can live up to that hehe.. so now I start practicing to be a cool friend to my son's gf, otherwise no more YUMMY goodies from her.. LOL!

  75. Great post and ideas about mother in laws and daughter in laws. I have a daughter in law that I love but keep my distance. My mother in law is wonderful and I love her very much!

  76. Nice article! So far, I've not encounter any big issue staying together with my parents in law... But still, I'd prefer to stay separately one day, especially after having own children ^^

  77. Quay Po, cool one. I love the point 1 and 3 the most. Especially point 3. I don't like my in laws to interfere with my decisions for my kids, as I m their mother.

  78. Hi Quay Po! This is such a helpful post!!! And all these illustrations were so cute! My mother in law is in Taiwan. We communicate with English and most of the time we don't understand each other much so it's actually nicer than I thought. We don't have to hear unnecessary thing and we just keep good distance. But it doesn't mean that we don't have a good relationship, and in fact we do! She's really nice. Therefore, this list is more like for me to remember when I meet my 5-year old son's future GF or wife... LOL!

  79. I don't have a MIL so I have no experience dealing with one. But I do have an elderly SIL so I let my hubby deal with her. Even my hubby said she can be a drama queen sometimes :) I do hear a lot of stories about monster MIL though from relatives and friends. And some stories between my mother with her DIL. Guess what, we hardly side our mother as we know how she is at times. To me if you love your son you have to love you DIL too. After all you want him to be happy rather than squeezing in the middle of the both of you. I think keep a distance, sometimes keep your opinion to yourself as you know young people can be rather sensitive at times.

  80. @Deborah
    It is good to know you have a good relationship with your MIL and you love your DIL. Sometimes, keep a little distance is good:D

    Yes, don't we all feel like that?

    @Sheoh Yan
    I am with you!!

    Not to understand each other is a PLUS! less conflict. You and your MIL and my Quay LO and my mum are in the same boat! Yes, keep this list in your drawer and refer to it when you become a MIL:D

    You are right. If we have nothing nice to say, zip our mouths! Save a lot of misunderstanding.

  81. I always love this kind of "tau sar piah" It is really hard to find even in KL. Least that is what I think hahaha!

    I am a daughter-in-law for 2 years now. I only wish to have a mother-in-law that understands what me and hubs say. Somehow everytime we tel her something, it seems to be like the bah i do my own things my way and starts give non-related reasons to the thing we mentioned haha! Also, hoping she could be more hygienic T^T.

  82. Hi Quay Po, I happened to stumble upon your blog while hopping around and I love your blog immediately while reading about you! Nice to know you!;D
    I totally agreed with you about sharing recipes and all. I can feel your generosity right away! ;)
    I love this wonderful post of yours and I can tell you: "You're sure to be a very good and understanding MIL!" Whoever is your DIL is really as lucky as me! Both my parents-in-law are the most easiest, no-fuss people to live (we lived together for 2yrs before living on our own as there's not enough space for us with 2 kids) with and they'd never ever show any favoritism. They love all of us equally, sons-3, DILs-2 and grand-daughters-2. They'd helped to baby-sit very willingly, even if it's a very last-min decision. They really treat us just like their very own daughters and I really really appreciate that. ;) Whenever we go over for dinners, we've endless things to talk about! ;D

  83. @ladyviral
    I am so sorry to reply to your comment so late. I thought I did already hehe. Apparently, I written and did not post it hehe. Sometimes it is hard for the younger generation to communicate with the older ones especially if they do not follow the trend. I believe the standard of hygience to your MIL and you are very different. You might want to take time to explain to her why hygiene is important in this day and age. She might not comprehend now but over time it will sink in.

    So glad you stumble upon my blog and now I have a new friend!! hehe.. Nice to know you too. You are very blessed to of PIL who are so understanding. Treasure them! I have just finished my dinner and washing the dishes. After I had my shower, I will go visit you:D Hope to see you around often. There are so much to share:D HUGS.

  84. Aww...that's so sweet of your son's girlfriend to get you those biscuits. I think you weill be a very good mother in law, Veronica. You seem to have a lot of patience and understanding. Not to mention, a determination to actually try to be one. Your son and future daughter in law are lucky to have you. Never change, beautiful!


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